Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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