Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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