he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
