My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
