Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
