I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
