Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize