I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
