So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
His nipple licking is glorious
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