Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
