So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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