you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
