what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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