All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize