She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need a beard to bite.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
