Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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