If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
