fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
