i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
