Pappa wants mamma naked
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
