So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
