it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize