he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
