He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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