I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
smell my finger.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize