pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
