Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize