They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
