Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
