It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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