In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
