My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
