the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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