you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize