Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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