the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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