I swear god or herbie drove my car home
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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