dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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