Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
