i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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