Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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