hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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