Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
