So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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