So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
