Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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