it hurts more in the daytime
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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