Got a toothbrush?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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