if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
