Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
