I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
