well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
