zippers are such a cool invention
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
