If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
