i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
These tits shall not be calmed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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