M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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