I checked into jail on foursquare
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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