you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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