So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
