is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
