he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
