It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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