Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize