I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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