there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
