i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
