My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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