I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
