Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible

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(609): View more from New Jersey

We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.

Fav 33 8100 1004
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(657): View more from California

You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl

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(440): View more from Ohio

Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.

Fav 8 3784 1059
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(316): View more from Kansas

I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"

Fav 16 6600 1380
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.

Fav 26 5372 1531
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.

Fav 17 3731 1225
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(919): View more from North Carolina

The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.

Fav 2 547 769
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls

Fav 0 88 14
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