If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
