I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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