So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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