5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
