you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
