while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
