Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
