This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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