And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
