Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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