the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
