who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
