I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
