I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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