I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
