Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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