so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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