I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
