So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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