okay pat passed out under dana's car
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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