I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
