There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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