2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
