i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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