i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
