so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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